How to Overcome a Social Phobia
Analyze the reasons for your fear. Knowing what is causing social phobia can help you overcome it. Sometimes you may feel as though there is no rhyme or reason to your phobia, but try to find the root of your fear.
Realise that not everyone is judging you. Often times social phobia can be a result of thinking that everyone around you is passing judgment on you. If so, take a step back, and realize that most people don't care.
Start out small. Make small talk with people you see often, employees, schoolmates, or other people that you come in contact with.
Do something spontaneous in public. This can help you overcome the "embarrassment factor," which can contribute a lot to social phobia. Levels of craziness may vary; one person may feel uncomfortable wearing a mini skirt while another will only feel uncomfortable when they are wearing a Martian suit. Although you may feel awkward when you do something crazy, after wards you may find that you feel a sense of accomplishment or pride.
Find a club, team, or a group that relates to one of your interests and skills. You will have fun and meet new people due to the small and intimate environment. This makes it easier to force yourself to talk, you can't just get lost in the crowd.
Use self motivation. This can help you to push yourself and reach your goal of overcoming social phobia.
The first thing that you have to do before any other is to realize an important fact. People want to be talked to. Communication is the most common voluntary activity in any culture, ever. So relax.
Know that socializing is 80% mental, and 20% practice. If you are too concerned with what others think about you, then it makes talking to them nearly impossible. Lighten up a little, start with some small talk. Give them a compliment or two. People love compliments. It’s a fact.
Don't be obsessive or talk about things that your co-converser really doesn't seem interested in. Despite what you think, it’s not that hard to tell. If you know anything about your target, you should know what he or she is or isn't into.
For large groups, just hang back and relax. There are a bunch of people contributing into the conversation, so don't feel like you're pressured to say something. The key is acting like you're comfortable. When you get a chance to contribute something meaningful that you think the others will appreciate, throw it in there. You'll do just fine.
If you slip up and say something stupid, don't worry about it. Everyone does it, even the popular kids. Try listening to what they say with a critical ear and you'll hear that they make mistakes just as much as anyone else. It's just really obvious when you get caught up on it and obsess over whether it was the right thing to say or not.
Remember that the majority of people are not interested in your flaws. Most people make an effort to pay attention to the good things people do and say, so express your good qualities and ignore your bad ones. Chances are others will too. Those who pick at your flaws usually do so because of a lack of self-esteem on their part; just remember that them being negative towards you is a huge flaw in their personality.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you must fake confidence. people will see right through it and you will end up looking like a douche bag. Instead, know your positive qualities and be proud of them. Remember that EVERYONE has something to be confident about, even you. Notice that some of the 'cool kids' don't even have a large amount of good qualities yet they still have high self esteem; they can just be confident about their confidence, which is a good quality in itself. Anyone can choose to attain it.
If you feel like there's nothing you can contribute socially, just try being kind and see where it gets you. People like to be around people who make them happy, and kindness is a really easy way to make others happy. Give genuine compliments, make eye contact, show interest, and SMILE. Whatever you can do to brighten someone's day is a point in your favor.
Stop worrying about you. Nobody cares if you feel like you're being judged or treated unfairly. Instead, worry about making the people around you feel more comfortable in any way you can. Even if you're not good at it, just having the intention makes a huge difference. Eventually (sooner than you think) you'll get really good at making others comfortable and happy, and lots of people will want to be around you.
There is nobody stopping you from getting over social phobia. It most certainly isn't permanent. You just need to take your time and accomplish things step by step, because it isn't something that can be changed overnight.
- Do things one step at a time.
- Consult a therapist if you have extreme social phobia.
- Be comfortable. They're just people, and there are over 6 billion of them in the world. They won’t eat you.
- Be yourself.
- Be positive.
- Find people who are right for you. Choose those who make you happiest over those who look popular and cool; you'll find out how fake the latter tend to be soon enough.
- Remember that you aren't different from anyone else who has overcome social phobia. We all felt like we were the only ones with our problem until we got over it.
- If the most "popular" people don't like you, don't worry about it. Popularity is not everything.
- Don't get discouraged. Have perseverance and patience, because in the end the results will be worth all the work and courage you had to muster up for it.
- Don't avoid things. Every time you avoid an event, person, or a situation - you let your Social Anxiety win. You will be proud of yourself later and feel much more confident in social situations.
- Don't get all stressed out if some people don't like you. Everybody has people that don't like them, even the popular kids. It's those who know what others think about them but continue to be themselves that stand out.
